The Betrayal

When Janet finally came back to work, she was different. She was no longer full of joy and laughter. There was a sadness about her that everyone saw but no one talked about. After time, Janet began confiding in me that their marriage wasn't what it seemed. She didn't like having sex with Mike anymore and it was becoming a problem. I look back at this part of my life and the shame consumes me. I don't know how my mind started playing tricks on me but I started thinking strange things while I listened to her. Here she was not interested in having sex with her husband and that was the one thing that I was good at in life. In my mind it all made sense...

I found myself drawn to Mike. We had gotten to know each other better during and after the loss of the baby. It was like a sign suddenly appeared over his head stating that he was available. We started mutually flirting with each other. I think he appreciated the attention from me as much as I did him. What could it hurt? I didn't want to take him away from her...I just wanted to have sex with him. Who could possibly get hurt? She would never have to know. It seemed perfect...in my mind.

I don't remember how it started, I don't remember our first kiss, our first touch. It just seemed to happen. It was so secret, so daring, so wrong, so wonderful. At first it was just stolen kisses and private glances. We even kissed in front of Janet and she just laughed it off. I needed her to grab me by my hair and snatch me off his lap. She needed to tell to back off her husband, but she didn't. I didn't know why back then, later I found out she was having an affair with someone in her acting troupe! It still didn't make it right.

Mike started walking me out to my car from the Limelight bar. It was dark and he didn't want me walking out there alone. Or at least that is what we told everyone. We shared many stolen kisses out there in the dark. It was hard to leave each other. I don't think either of us wanted to cross the line to having sex. Janet had to have known what was going on but she never came outside to check on us. In a way I think she probably wanted out of the marriage and had stopped caring. It still didn't make it right.

The night finally came when we crossed the line. It was exciting, more exciting than anything I had ever experienced. We became addicted to each other. We took chances all the time to be together even when she was in the next room. It was a wild time in my life. I continued to see other men that always turned out to be one night stands. I didn't care, I wasn't married, I wasn't doing wrong. I continued to tell myself those lies so I could look in the mirror.