Getting to know you...

Frank & me having fun

Life as a bride and wife was certainly different than what I had thought it would be. Frank came back around the next day and acted like nothing had happened. I wanted to talk about it and find out what I had done wrong so I wouldn't repeat my actions, but Frank was not a talker.

I would make dinner for him after I got home from work. He was now working as an oil change serviceman at the local Pontiac dealership. My cousin worked there so he gave him the job to help us out. I was still working at the bank trying to act as if my life was a happy one. I continued to grow larger and larger with my baby. I could no longer wear my precious wedding band because my hands were too swollen. If fact, I never wore it again and in the later years I sold it to buy a winter coat!

As I have said before Frank, was a very picky eater. I wasn't a good cook but I knew how to cook. Our apartment was small but the kitchen had two doors, one on each end of the room. I was standing at the stove stirring gravy in the skillet. I put salt and pepper in the mix and after stirring once again I tasted it. I put the spoon back in the gravy after I tasted it. Frank had been standing at the other door and I didn't see him. I heard him holler my name and I looked up, like I had been caught breaking in to the bank vault. He did not want to eat anything that had touched my lips! He knew I had the spoon in my mouth so I had to throw the whole thing away. He left in a huff as usual. It was his habit to leave me alone and drive for hours around town. Sometimes stopping to visit his friends. He wanted me to severe all ties with my family and friends, so I did. I had friends that lived in the same apartment building with us but he didn't want me to see them either. Sometimes when he went to work I would sneak upstairs to visit my girlfriends anyway. He didn't want me to talk to anyone on the phone either. If I was home he would call on his break to make sure the phone line wasn't busy.

The first 6 months of our marriage, I spent alone at night. He would go to his mothers apartment after work to shower and change his clothes. He would then come over for dinner and to watch TV with me. Around 10:00 pm he would go for a ride and then back to his mother's apartment to sleep. He would be back in the mornings for breakfast and to pick up the lunch that I had fixed. I did all of his laundry accept for his underwear, his mother still did those. It was really strange and I knew it. I felt it must be my fault that he didn't want to stay with me. I was embarrassed to tell anyone what was going on in my life. I knew it was wrong but I thought that that was all I deserved in life.

My baby continued to grown in my belly and I was thrilled. Frank loved to feel her moving around. It was exciting and scary all at the same time. He never went to any of my doctor's appointments with me. I gained 42 lbs with this baby. When we married I weighed around 165 lbs now I was over 200 lbs! The dresses I had worn in the beginning of my pregnancy were now worn as blouses. I never took any prenatal classes and I knew nothing about giving birth. No one had ever told me anything at all. Lamaze classes were really popular at that time but I didn't get to take any of them.

I was always responsible for all of the chores in the house. Frank sat in his chair while I waited on him hand and foot. To be fair, I will say that I started that pattern of life. I thought that is what a 'good' wife was supposed to do. There was no 50/50 plan in our house. I brought Frank his food on a TV tray. I even cut his meat for him, making sure not an ounce of fat was on it. I made sure the food wasn't touching and I definitely did not 'taste' the food before serving it. I had without knowing become a shell of the girl I had once been. I was no longer fun and outgoing. I was quiet and withdrawn. I comforted myself with my best friend, food.

I was doing the weekly shopping at Kmart, it was New Years Day 1972. I had gone to the store all by myself as usual. I was 8 months pregnant and shopping was hard. I had to pick up cases of pop to buy for Frank. I will tell you now, I put myself in this position, I asked nothing of him and he gave me nothing in return. We had been married for six months at this time. Frank walked up behind me in the grocery aisle. I was shocked! I didn't ever expect to see in there. He took my hand and told me from that day on things were going to be different. He was going to start living with me and being my husband. I was in disbelief but I was thrilled.

I came home that night and he was there. When it came to the bewitching hour of 10 pm he didn't leave. Instead he headed for the shower and came out a few minutes later. He was wrapped in a towel. He dropped the towel and stood before me naked. I just looked at him. He said, "this is the way I look", I still just sat there. I said okay. It was the first time I had ever seen him completely naked. I don't know what he thought I was going to do but I just sat there. He later told me if I had laughed he would have left me. It turns out he too was embarrassed by his body. I didn't know that men thought like that too! I think I fell in love with him that night. He too, like me, was vulnerable.

Our life really did change after that. We were a family. We were living like normal married people and I was truly happy.

Friday the 13th 'The Wedding'

In the 70's we were all about free love, burning bras, flags and incense. We wore tye dye shirts and macrame' belts. We wore flowers in our hair and even put flowers on our cars. I was what was known as a 'hippie wannabe'. I dressed the part but I didn't really walk the walk. I had tried smoking marijuana a couple of times. I am not a smoker so I coughed up more than I ever inhaled. I never took to drugs which is surprising knowing the addictive behavior I have as a whole. I didn't like being out of control. I felt like my whole life had been that way and I didn't like knowing that a substance had the power to take over my thoughts and actions. I never got into drugs, thankfully. I did try to take speed aka 'white cross' to help me lose weight. I think it made me eat faster! I only tried that once. Even though, Frank never indulged in any of these things he was attracted to me because I was daring and outgoing. I think I did the things he didn't have the courage to do.

I had to plan for a wedding in less than 2 weeks. Frank told me that he would marry me in front of the justice of the peace and not in a chapel or church setting. That was okay with me. I had quit going to church many years before. I just wanted to be his wife. I was going to invite my family and friends to the wedding. I told Frank so he could invite his family and friends too. His face froze when I told him of my plans. He told me in no uncertain terms that no one could come to the wedding. He didn't want anyone to even know when or where it was going to be. I was shocked. I thought he was kidding. No, I could tell by the look on his face that he was dead serious. I did not see the huge red flag that was waving in my face.

I had told my sisters that I was getting married. Now I had to tell them that they couldn't come. I was heartbroken but I continued to make plans. I called my dad and left a message with Kathryn that I was getting married and that I was pregnant and then I hung up. I didn't give her a chance to respond. I wanted to hurt my dad. I knew he would be disappointed in me. I wanted to disappoint him like he always had done to me.

I borrowed a white cotton dress from one of my girlfriends. It was a maternity dress, it had a red, white and blue striped belt that went just above my stomach. I had to work the day of my wedding so we decided to get married on my lunch hour. I wore a uniform at the bank where I worked so I had to bring my dress to work with me. I hung my dress in the backseat of my car the night before so I could change before we went to the courthouse. I had bought myself a gold wedding band with little intertwined rings etched all the way around it. I was ready for my big day. One of the ladies at work had went into the ladies room where my dress was hanging. It had axle grease all down the front of it from the back of my car. I hadn't even noticed it. She had left work and taken it to the 1 hour cleaners for me. She also bought me a red rose in a handheld glass carrier so I would have flowers. It was so nice of her. I still did not see the red flag.

Frank came to pick me up to take me to courthouse. My boss had given me an extended lunch so we could grab some lunch too. When I got in the car there was a white corsage box sitting in the seat next to him. Wow! I opened it and inside was a pink carnation corsage with a little rhinestone heart. I loved it and I told him I did. He grumbled that my sister, Linda, had given to him to give me. He didn't want me to take or wear any flowers inside the courthouse. He didn't want me to call any attention to us when we went see the judge. My heart ached but I knew he wouldn't marry me if I didn't do as he said. I didn't see the red flag.

He had a couple of his friends, Marty & Jeff, stand up with us as our witness's. I had wanted my sisters to be with me on my wedding day. Later I learned that my sister, Linda and my step-mother, Kathryn were in the back of the courtroom that day and saw the entire wedding. I never even knew they were there. I felt so alone that afternoon. I had never met Frank's friends until that day. The judge asked me three times if I really wanted to get married that day because it was Friday the 13th. I said yes three times...I think a cock crowed in the background. In a matter of minutes we were husband and wife, I felt complete. I was someones wife therefore; I must be lovable.

We had a 'Full Meal Deal' at Burger King for lunch to celebrate. Frank did not eat inside restaurants so we went through the drive through and took back to my apartment. I was the only one working at the time so I had to go back to work until 6:00 pm that night. Not quite like the wedding I had dreamed about as a little girl.

Frank picked me up after work and took me to his friend's house for dinner. Frank was a very picky eater so he dictated the menu. I don't remember everything but I know we had a frozen turkey roll as the main course. Marty had bake a two layer cake with white icing. She had put a bride and groom on the top. I loved it! They even had presents for us. It almost seemed like a real wedding day. Their little girl was sitting at the table while we were eating. The cake was just too much for her so reached over during the meal and took a big hunk out of the side of the cake. The bride and groom fell to the floor. I didn't see the red flag.

After dinner we left and went a gas station where Frank's brother was working on a car for the demolition derby. We pulled up out front, I was looking forward to meeting his family. I started to open my car door when he told me to just wait in the car. I sat in the car holding the little bride and groom from atop the cake in my hands. I sat there for a really long time. I didn't dare get out of the car because he had told me to wait. After what seemed to be hours his sister-in-law looked out the door and saw me sitting there by myself. She came out to the car and asked me who I was. I held up the bride and groom and said I am Frank's wife, we got married today. She about flipped out. She went inside to tell everyone. The next thing I knew Frank came flying out and jumped in the car. He started it up and gunned the engine. The gravel flew and we peeled out of the gas station. I was shocked. I asked him what I had done, what had happened. He refused to look at me or to answer me. For the first time I was scared...what had I done? Frank pulled up to my apartment and told me to get out. I got out and stood on the sidewalk with my bride and groom. I had tears streaming down my face it was my wedding day and I was alone. I didn't see the red flags.....

Frank...

Frank

When Steve introduced me to Frank, I thought he was cute. He had a baby face and was chubby like me. He was very shy. I was very outgoing and could talk to anyone. I had many friends and strangers became my friends the minute I smiled at them. Frank had a beautiful car that I fell in love with immediately, more the car then him, unfortunately. It was a 1962, Chevy Impala, dark pine green with chrome wheels. The funny thing was that it really only had 3 chrome wheels because one had cracked so he had to take it off. But if you were only looking at it from the side it looked good. It was loud because of the the exhaust system he had on it. Now that I think back, I wish I would have just bought the car!

He was nice but really, really, shy. I knew he liked me but he just didn't seem to have the courage to ask me out. He finally did though or maybe I asked him, I don't remember for sure. He was going to take me to the drive-in movies. He wasn't working and didn't have much money. He had dropped out of high school and was living with his mother. She gave him money everyday to buy bread and bologna for his lunch.

I was so excited for our first date. Not only was it 'our' first date but it was my first date period! Friday night came and I waited for him to pick me up to go to the drive-in. He lived around the corner from me at the time. He didn't have a horn so he would rev up his engine when he drove by my house. That would be my signal to come out when he got there. I was so excited, someone actually wanted to spend time with me! It was time for him to pick me up and I was ready. It got later and later...no Frank. I stood at the front window to make sure I didn't miss him. No Frank. It was dark by now and the movies had started, I was still waiting by the window. It finally dawned on me, I had been stood up! I was crushed. How could I have been so stupid to think someone would want to go out with me?

Later that night I heard the familiar sound of the revving of his engine as he went around the corner. My heart skipped a beat, he was there, he still liked me. He drove around the corner a few more times before he finally parked and came inside. I was so glad he stopped that I swallowed my pride and said nothing about being stood up. I welcomed him with open arms. My self esteem was so low back at that time of my life, I am still ashamed of my behavior. I don't even know if he offered an explanation for not showing up. It didn't matter to me, I just wanted someone to like me.

We had sex early in our relationship. I thought that was the way to keep him. He was extremely shy about sex, I am not sure if I was his first or not. He wouldn't even take his clothes off for sex. He just pulled his jeans down and did the deed. It wasn't fun, it didn't feel good, it was just part of life.

The next weekend we made plans to go to the drive-in again. Once again I was ready and excited to actually have a date. Maybe one of my girlfriends would see me out with a boy. That would be so cool, the fat girl finally gets a boyfriend. But it was like reliving the weekend before...time to be picked up..no Frank. Once again I was in the window waiting...no Frank. It got dark and I realized he wasn't coming.
Just like the weekend before I heard him drive by my house, many times. He finally parked the car and came to the door. I answered acting as if nothing had happened. I felt like he was probably ashamed to be seen with me. I said nothing and neither did he. I sometimes wonder if he didn't have the money to take me out but didn't want to tell me. I really liked being with him. Once again the night would end in rushed sex in the dark. This scenario happened at least a dozen times before we actually went to the drive-in. I remember when we finally did go, sitting in the car telling him I couldn't believe we were actually there! I was happy.

As luck would have it, during one of our times of rushed sex in the dark, I got pregnant. I knew after I missed my first period but I didn't go to the doctor for along time. I was so excited. I was finally going to have a baby, my baby. Someone to love me, someone that belonged to me. I wasn't sure how Frank would take the news but I didn't care. I didn't really care if he was a part of my life or not. I went to the doctor and he confirmed that I was indeed pregnant about 3 months to be exact. On the way home, I stopped and bought 2 maternity outfits. I met Frank at the door that night wearing one of them. I told him and he was excited too! He wanted to have a family too. We were so happy!

Frank was the youngest of six kids. His father had been a police officer in town. He left Frank's mother for another woman. He had another four sons with his girlfriend. Frank's mother was left to raise her six children all alone, no child support. Frank's life was very unstable. They lived in rental houses until they were evicted when the landlord had had enough of nonpayment of rent. Frank's older brothers had left the home and married or made lives for themselves. His sister had also gotten married. His mother spent most of her time at her boyfriend's house so she wasn't ever home with him. Although he lived in his mother's apartment it seemed like it was his own place. He never had a good family life and his goal was to make his own family. He wanted to be good husband and father.

After telling Frank that I was indeed pregnant I didn't want him to feel like he was stuck with me. I asked him if he wanted me to go to a home for unwed mothers or if he wanted to get married. He said, "Well, I guess we should get married." There it was...my dream come true proposal!! I was going to be a bride, a wife, I couldn't believe my good luck! I got out the calendar and asked him which day was best for him. We picked a Friday 2 weeks away, August 13, 1971, Friday the 13th, how appropriate! I thought it was funny.

Frank was underage so his mother had to sign for him to marry me. I was 18 and he was 19, in the state of Illinois the boys had to be 21 to marry without consent. I had never met his mother and he didn't seem to want me to meet her. She did take him to J C Penney's to buy a pair of brown pants and a gold shirt to wear to our wedding. I always had the feeling that he was ashamed of his family. I was still living with Linda and she was planning on getting married 2 weeks after me on Aug 28th. Frank and I would live in the apartment Linda and I shared after she married Bob.

I was happy. I was going to have the family I always wanted. Frank and I had grown to love and care about each other. I knew I would be married to him for life and I would live happily ever after.