More pain and disappointment...

I was working at Northtown Bank in the bookkeeping department. I was learning how to be part of the working world and I loved it. I was promoted to Customer Service after a year. I was worried about working with the public because myself confidence was so low. What I found out was that I liked working with the public. I was good with people, really good. I balanced checkbooks for people that were having problems. I loved helping them and finding the mistakes. I learned that the banks rarely, rarely make mistakes. I also learned to hold my tongue when customers yelled at me, saying the bank was stealing their money. I knew that it would only be a matter of time before I balanced their checkbook and got the privilege of showing them their mistakes. It became a game to me. I loved working at the bank.

I had lots of friends at work. Frank was wrong people liked me, they even thought I was funny! Wow! How cool was that? People wanted to eat lunch with me and shop with me. We had a group of friends that even went out dancing at night. I spent a lot of weekends dancing. I wasn't a good dancer but I loved dancing. The more I drank, the better I danced! I was the girl that everyone laughed at because I thought I could dance to "Rocky Top." I must have looked like a fool but I didn't care, it was all in fun.

Surprisingly enough, Frank, came back into my life. He had been dating Gloria for a few months but he he realized he wanted to be with us again. He told me she was crazy and he didn't want anything to do with her anymore, they were done. He wanted to do whatever it took to make me happy, to get our lives back on track, to be a family. I missed him too, I was different. I was the person he had married many years before. I was fun and confident. We started seeing each other on the weekends for real dates. He bought me a birthday gift for the first time that didn't have anything to do with cleaning the house! I pair of black high heels for work. We went to many nice places for dinner and had a really good time. I thought we were getting back together. I was happy.

I had a work schedule that was from Tuesday through Saturday. I remember it was on a Monday afternoon. I was at home in my nightgown, cleaning the kitchen. I was doing all the heavy duty stuff like cleaning under the refrigerator when I heard someone knock at the door. I was sweaty, smelly, and covered in dust. I felt the panic of knowing someone was watching me through the glass front door. I looked up between pieces of my fallen hair. It was Frank at the door. I was really surprised because he should have been at work that day. I was happy to see him though. I pushed my hair out of the way and went to the door. I apologized for my appearance but when I looked at him I knew something was wrong. I asked him what he wasn't doing there on a Monday.
He told me he had to talk to me. I thought maybe he was going to ask me to marry him or move in with him or something. I was wrong, very wrong.

He told me that Gloria had spoken with him and told him that she was pregnant from when they had been dating. He told me that he was going to marry her and raise the baby. I hear the words and I could see his mouth moving but I felt removed from the situation. I stood there looking at him not believing what I was hearing. I said, "but you said she was crazy and you didn't want to be with her. You want to be with me." I was almost pleading with him to remember his words. He was doing the stand up thing, the right thing. I felt the tears well up in my eyes. He turned to leave, he didn't look back, he just left. I didn't see him again for a very long time. He did indeed marry Gloria. She forbid him from seeing the girls because that meant that he would see me.

I couldn't believe that I had started to open my heart to Frank and he left me. It was easier when I did it to him, now the shoe was on the other foot for me. It was awful. I don't remember ever feeling that low that hurt. I made up my mind then and there that no one would ever get the chance to hurt me like that again. I would never marry, never love anyone again. My heart harden that day and stayed hard for many years.