The Divorce

After we had both agreed to divorce, I suddenly realized in had no plan. I had been a 'stay at home mom' for 5 years and I had no money of my own. I felt extremely guilty about the divorce so I wanted to make it easy on Frank. He never wanted the divorce, he just knew I wasn't going to change my mind. We were still living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed but going in different directions. I loved Frank but I wasn't 'in love' with him and I don't know if I ever was. I think I still feel some sort of love for him even after all these years...it baffles me to this day. Maybe because we needed each other so much in the beginning, we made our little family together, many reasons I guess.

I had to look for a job and a place to live. I could have legally stayed in our house until the kids were 18 but we needed to sell the house to pay our bills. I wouldn't have even been responsible for the bills, if my attorney had had his way. I felt like Frank was the one that went to work everyday and earned the living. I stayed home, watched TV, ate, and racked up his credit cards shopping. I felt guilty for doing those things. I was extremely fair in the divorce settlement almost to a fault. I didn't think I could afford $173.00 for the mortgage payment so I agreed to sell the house!!

I found a job right away at Northtown Bank on Pershing Rd in the bookkeeping department. I had previous experience because I had worked for Soy Capital Bank when I was younger (Frank's 2nd wife ended up working for Soy Capital also, small world). I had a hard time committing to a start date because I couldn't believe the wheels I had put in motion were actually turning. After finding work I had to find childcare for the girls too. I was so scared, I really don't know how I did it.

Frank busied himself too with plans. He started brushing his teeth and wearing cologne, he even bought new clothes. I knew something was up then, brushing his teeth was a drastic change for him. His mother had set him up with a nurse that she worked with at St Mary's. He was starting to date and I hadn't even left yet. All of a sudden I didn't want anyone to have him, I didn't want him to be happy. I planned on keying her car and I didn't even know her. I felt betrayed by his mother and by him. I was miserable.

The wheels kept turning and things kept falling into place. My friend's parents had a duplex they were fixing up to rent. It had two bedrooms and was right next door to Roach Elementary School. Jennifer could walk to school everyday. The rent on the duplex was going to be $185.00, more than the house payment was! I decided to take it. I had to wait awhile because it was being painted so I had to stay with Frank. I found a babysitter for the girls. She charged $40.00 per week for both of the kids. It was a lot of money but she seemed nice and the school had given me her name as a reference.

I was home one day and the phone rang so I answered it. It was the bank letting me know I had been approved for my loan. "Loan, I said, what loan are talking about?" She said, "the loan for your mobile home." "Really, I said, I didn't know I had applied for one." A very flustered young lady on the phone said, "Oh, I am so sorry this loan is in your husband's name not yours. I shouldn't have called you!" So I was moving into a rented old duplex and he was buying a mobile home. He also ordered a brand new 1978, Z28, Camaro, in black to be delivered in the spring! I guess he must have decided the divorce was a good idea after all!

I borrowed money from Household Finance and had my sister, Janet, co-sign for me so I could pay my attorney. He made easy money off me, I wanted nothing, I just wanted out. I gave Frank all of the furniture except for the washer & dryer, the girl's beds and dressers and old broken furniture in the basement. He got the refrigerator, stove, console TV, stereo, our bedroom furniture, living room furniture, the best dishes, towels and everything else. I took very little. I didn't even have a bed, I slept on our old "click" couch that no longer worked. It stayed in a flat position all the time, so when you sat on it for a couch you couldn't lean back without falling.

I had my friend Steve and Frank's brother, Gary, help me move into my duplex. It caused quite a riff between Gary and his family because he had helped me. I couldn't have done it without him and I will always be grateful that he stepped up to help me. I was very close friends with his wife Connie, who is now deceased. Frank's family on the whole continued to be nice and loving to me and the girls up until this very day. On moving day, we moved most of the stuff while Frank was at work. When he came home, he was hot! He locked us all out of the house and wouldn't let us get the last load. He calmed down later and brought over to my new home a few days later.

We were lucky and sold our house quickly. We made enough money to pay off all of our debts and have a little left over. I ended up with the car and he got his truck and motorcycle and some cash from me because the car was worth more. It was a very favorable divorce for Frank. I actually moved out of the house in November but the divorce wasn't final until March the following year.

At first when I moved out, Frank still had all of the bills to pay at our house. He was making the car payments too. His buddies told him how stupid he was for paying for my car while I was driving it...so he took it from me! Just like that, he came over took the car and hid from me. I didn't have a way to work. That is what he wanted, he wanted me to come home. He wanted to have control over me again. I was determined not to let that happen. I made a few calls. My brother-in-law, Bob, called a friend of his and his buddy let me borrow his car.

Now I have to tell you I wasn't in a position to be picky. I had to take what I was given. That was a 1960 something Ford Fairlane. It ran well but the drivers door was broken. I had to drive with the window partially down in the winter so I could tie it closed with a rope! I did it! I drove that car until Frank relented and brought mine back. He no longer could control me. I was proud of myself.

I do have regrets about divorcing Frank. I regret not standing up to him. I regret not talking to him and telling him what was wrong, what I needed from him. I never gave him a chance to make things right because, I didn't think he would do it for me. I didn't think I was worth saving. I didn't think he loved me enough to make the changes I needed. The only attempt he made at getting back together was to tell me that his lawyer told him that we should reconcile. I think that was his way of telling me he wanted to make it work. Instead it pissed me off that he was speaking the words of his attorney, not himself.

I cried that day in the courtroom. Frank didn't even show up for the divorce. It was March 15th, the Ides of March. I was free at last. I was scared. I was alone. I cried that day, I had destroyed my family....